Paradox
by it's a wonderful dream
Summary: Angsty C/B. AU. Set after Chuck donates 5 million dollars to the Eva Coupeau foundation in 4x04. Hints of D/B friendship. ONE-SHOT.


**Author's Note: **More C/B angst. I'm considering started a C/B angsty post 2x13 MULTI-CHAP FUTURE FIC. So, if 5+ people want me to write it, then PM me! And I take suggestions and if anyone wants to give me ideas for what to write my next one-shot on, please PM me. This isn't very well written. I was in a rush to finish it before study hall ended. But I'm posting is anyways. I didn't reread it after I was finished, so please feel free to tell me if I have made any errors. Reviews are love, even negative ones.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gossip Girl, then I would have shot myself after writing the monstrosity that Season 5 was.

**Paradox**

**Part I**

**Goodbye, Manhattan**

Chuck had never given her anything like that. It must have been because she wasn't enough. She wasn't the prettiest. That title went to Serena. She wasn't the most virtuous. That title went to Eva. Blair bit her trembling lip and slipped on huge oversized and frankly over-the-top almost gaudy Valentino sunglasses to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She sat down in a secluded corner, took off the sunglasses, and cried. She curled up into a ball, wrinkling her dress, and watched everyone fawn over Eva. It had to be over an hour before anyone realized that she was missing. Serena was talking to Eva and didn't even notice her best friend was missing. "Hey," someone said sliding next to her. "Oh. Humphrey," Blair said not even shooting him an insult because she was kind of short on friends. "Wow. No insult? Who are you and what have you done to Blair Waldorf?" Dan asked incredulously and half-joking. "Another joke and I might reconsider this whole friendly thing. We're both kind of short on friends at the moment," Blair lauded. "No kidding. How long have you been down here?" Dan asked curiously. "Probably an hour. I cannot believe _you_ noticed first," Blair said, her tone slightly acidic. "What are you going to do now?" Dan asked tilting his head towards the happy couple. "I'm done," Blair said distantly. "What? What are you talking about?" Dan asked clearly lost. "I'm leaving," Blair elaborated, staring the Empire State Building. "Don't be ridiculous. Manhattan is your home. Hell, you are not leaving. Who else will insult me like you do?" Dan asked trying to pry a smile from Blair. Blair offered him a half smile. "I'll email you daily insults from Paris," she finally offered a smile while thinking of Paris. "Paris? Uh, if you are trying to leave everything here, Paris is probably not the best idea. I mean if Chuck and Serena decide to try to look for you, Paris will be the first place they'll try…I think," Dan said confused, again. "I don't care if they look for me or not. They're dead to me. Chuck has replaced me with a blond whore after nearly proposing to me and is flaunting her in my face. When is the last time he gave me five million dollars? Then he said I dragged him to the dark side and with perfect Eva it's all sunshine and flowers! Serena has clearly chosen Eva over me. Everyone chooses someone over me! Everyone has! Everyone will! The only person in the world that won't choose anyone over me is my dad," Blair ranted while crying. "When are you leaving?" Dan asked. "Tonight, I suppose. I guess I'll fly to Paris _commercial_. Please, one last favor, Humphrey," Blair said still staring at the tainted building. "Anything," mumbled Dan, lost in his own thoughts. "Don't tell anyone," Blair said with a broken look. She took a cab back to her penthouse, then took everything. After this latest backstab, Serena and Chuck didn't even deserve goodbyes. However, she wrote proper ones to Nate and Dan.

_Nate,_

_ As you have probably guessed, I'm gone. For good this time. Remember when we thought we were in love and planned to get married? I almost wish we stuck with each other. At least we were never hurt terribly by each other. I'm excited to start my new life. Just one favor, don't tell Chuck or Serena. Goodbye, Nate. Maybe we'll see each other again-in another lifetime._

_-Blair_

_Dan,_

_ I never got to properly thank you for that time you talked to me by your own will after that photo shoot. Sorry I was so mean to you-I guess I was terrified that I would lose Serena. I will follow up on my promise to email daily insults. If you're ever in Paris, you know the address. Goodbye, Dan. _

_-Blair_

Everything was in order. Blair stared at the Manhattan skyline. "Goodbye, Manhattan," she whispered.

**Part II**

**Where's Waldorf?**

Chuck, Eva, and Serena went to the Waldorf penthouse for a quick drink. Rather, Chuck and Serena wanted a drink and Eva was tagging along, probably afraid that Blair would intercept Chuck. "It's quiet," murmured Chuck. "Blair? Blair!" called Serena. She checked the bathroom first, it was Blair's go-to spot when she was upset. Serena felt guilty for talking to Eva all afternoon, and ignoring Blair. Blair probably felt like Serena was cavorting with the enemy. The bathroom was empty, along with all of Blair's beauty products. Serena panicked and ran into Blair's bedroom. It was cleared empty, there was nothing. Even her Audrey posters were taken down. "Chuck!" screamed Serena. "Serena, is something wrong?" Chuck asked patiently. This new Chuck was getting a little annoying. "Is something wrong? Of course something's wrong! Blair is GONE!" Serena screeched. "She probably went out for a drink or something," Chuck said tiredly, as if talking about Blair was a chore. "No, I mean her beauty products are gone from her bathroom, there are no clothes in her closet, and even her Audrey posters have been taken down!" Serena wailed. Chuck inhaled sharply and he and Serena scoured her bedroom, while Eva waited patiently outside the door. "_Why does he care so much about Blair?_" thought Eva sadly. "Look! Here are two letters. Good! Hopefully there's a sane explanation," Serena said relieved. "Wake up, van der Woodsen. These letter are addressed to Nathaniel and Brooklyn," Chuck said, feeling surprisingly hurt that Blair didn't bother to write a goodbye letter to him. But after he hurt her so much, it should've been expected. "We should open Nate's, he won't mind," Serena said brightly. This was why Serena was never allowed to make serious decisions. "No, we shouldn't. Blair is obviously gone and she doesn't want us to find her. You should move on like I did," Chuck said trying to make sure his voice didn't crack. "Blair's my best friend! And, even if you don't want to admit, you still love her!" Serena said desperately. Eva tensed up. "How could I stop loving her? We're all consuming. Magnetic. But I can't be with her, I'll just hurt her," Chuck said sighing. Eva also let out a sigh and quietly left the Waldorf penthouse, and left New York-and Chuck for good.

**Part III**

**Paris 2005**

The summer before freshman year, the NJBC went to Paris. It was the last simple, uncomplicated summer. The summer after freshman year, the Sheppard's would get married and Serena would leave for boarding school. The whole city seemed promising for a great summer. And a great summer it was, minus a few kinks. Serena began her steady path downhill at the end of August. Nate admired Serena's sunny blonde waves much, much more than he admired Blair's long glossy chestnut locks. Chuck was being Chuck. One of the days stood out in Blair's mind, August 24th, 2005. The NJBC went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Chuck was more interested in seeing what hot Parisian women were desperate enough to make out with a foreign American fourteen year old boy. Nate was way too stoned to see the view. Serena was dealing drugs to French men, probably more interested in find an excuse to talk to the sexy blonde vixen. Blair, however stared at the view until Chuck gave up on the French women and was dragging her, Nate, and Serena out. That day was the last simple day of her life. The end of that day marked the end of Part I of her life. She still loved Paris, but after that visit, it felt different. It wasn't as pure. Innocent. Perfect. _She _wasn't as pure, innocent, or perfect. It was fitting that she should return to Paris.

**Part IV**

**Paris 2010**

Five years later after the 2005 visit, Blair was back in Paris. It still looked the same, but somehow it wasn't. Blair ran up the Eiffel Tower. As she looked at the view, she cried. The lovely tantalizing view was tainted. Blair couldn't bring herself to glance in the direction of the Charles de Gaulle train station, where the fateful conversation that brought Chuck back to Manhattan took place. The sight that once brought her joy didn't anymore. She exited the Eiffel Tower and set off in the direction of Harold and Roman's chateau. On the way, she passed a Pierre Hermé. That brought memories of the day that she finally got the Dark Knight of the Upper East Side to say the three words eight letters. Even the corner where she first saw Chuck in Paris stung when she saw it. Blair walked to the chateau in tears.

**Part V**

**If Only…**

Harold and Roman were surprised, but delighted. Blair might have told a white lie about why she suddenly jetted off to Paris, but Blair brushed it off. Blair unpacked her things. Almost everything brought back a memory. The dress she wore at Victrola. The pink headband she wore at the van der Bass wedding. Some of the candles she lit while trying to seduce him. The tights he bought her from Germany. The last straw was the Erikson Beamon necklace. She composed a quick tearful email to him.

_Chuck,_

_ I don't know how to phrase this. I love you. I don't have the power to stop loving you. If only I had arrived at the Empire State Building earlier. If only I told you I still loved you at the Charles de Gaulle. I fucked up this whole thing, didn't I? This game keeps the 'us' alive, but it destroys us. Paradox. I don't expect you to drop Eva and come for me. I just thought you should know. I have one more question: what does Eva has that I don't? Besides the fact that she isn't as messed up as I am. I mean you gave her five million dollars. You never did anything like that for me. Did I really drag you into the darkness? I don't expect a reply._

_-Blair_

Chuck received the email from Blair. After Eva left last night, he wasn't sure he wanted to know, so he left the email unread, even though it broke his heart.

**Part VI**

**Five Years Later**

**Paris 2015**

On a rainy Saturday afternoon, Blair was curled up watching Audrey. She was checking her email, expecting her daily email from Humphrey. She thought she went into shock when she saw that she had an email from Chuck Bass himself. Blair stopped herself right before she was about to click the email to read it. She was finally adjusting. Not fully happy, but she didn't need any more heartbreak. With a heavy heart, she snapped her laptop shut and watched Holly Golightly abandon Cat for probably the millionth time.

Chuck was going through his old emails, when he saw Blair's unread email from years ago. Chuck took a deep breath then clicked on the email. He was shocked, confused, and broken after he read Blair's heartfelt confession. He typed up a quick reply:

_Blair,_

_ Three words eight letters. I love you._

_-Chuck_

It was time to book a flight to Paris


End file.
